MY Respected Bhabhi ji

My respected Bhabhi ji left us to day ( 9.AM; June 1, 2017 ) for ever; feeling very sad and sorry; However, she completed the mission of her life and left for a better one.

She was a  very lucky and great person . She filled the house of mamaji with a wonderful Home ,  a big family with children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren and prosperity all around. When she joined the family, the house was very much empty only with mamaji, mamiji and Bhaiya;

She was a great lady as daughter of her parents, sister to her sisters, a wife to her husband, and mother to her children. She never failed in fulfilling her duty with responsibility in any way ,  any time. She enjoyed wonderful married life , caring for Bhaiya and Bhaiya caring for her ( they were really made for each other; it was a love marriage in those days though arranged by parents ) . She was beautiful in all respect, simple, sober and always smiling.

In the end, she stopped taking the food and medicines, she was trying to purify ( शुद्धिक्र्ण )  before departing from this world to HIS world. She was fortunate dying as Suhagin ( सुहागिन )  leaving behind her healthy husband to take care of the rest.

I had wonderful time living with her, enjoyed her full affection, love , care and confidence. She will ever remain in my memory.


Regret; What was the compulsion for the family the way it behaved

I very vividly remember that the younger sister of my grandmother came to live with her and us after her only son, Shri Mangoo Lal disappeared from home in mysterious circumstances. The family waited for some time but how long they could have waited to support the family without any resources or hope getting any help. His wife, my aunt with her children went to live with her parents in Chandpur and my grandmother,s sister came to live with us. It was really very pathetic situation
Time passed, then , our family , the reasons best known to them asked grandmother,s sister to go to Chandpur and live with her daughter-in-law. She went and lived there for the rest of her life. According to our social system this was very awkward and humiliating situation for any one to live with the parents or family of daughter-in-law especially when there are other people and relatives to support her. I can not imagine her agony and humiliation with which that poor lady would have passed her days and at the same time tolerating the unbearable loss of her only young son.
I really feel so sorry and sad about it and regret on the decision and action of my family in this regard.

Some strange kind of observation; the Eldest in our Family loses Everything on In-laws side


Since last three generations, I noticed that the eldest in our family looses every thing in his in-laws’s side. In  In-laws’ family, property and wealth etc. everything is lost. Nothing remains for the future in their name. it is really very sad situation. Here, I will be dealing with the situation of my grandfather, my father and my own;bijnorbijnor

My Grandfather,s Case:

My grandfather was the eldest of all his brothers.He was married in Bijnor ,. His in-law’s family was well known and well-to-do family in those days.But no body or any property etc exists now  in their name in Bijnor; my grand mother had one brother and one sister ( married in Kiratpur, had one son, Shri Mangoo Lal ji who had his small nice family; uncle Mangoo lal ji disappeared in mysterious circumstances, never returned back and his family was shattered; Dadi ji, his mother, my grand mother,s sister came to live with us and aunt with her children went to her parents in Chandpur). My grandmother,s brother had one son and one daughter; daughter was married in Mandawar to Shri Mahasheya Raghubir Saran ji ( had two sons, Ram Avtar ji and Prem Avtar ). We used to visit them occasionally on various occasions, very affectionate family, now lost contact with them since long, may be fifty years or so ); My grandmother,s nephew Shri Krishan Lal ji had one son , Rishi, very handsome personality died very young  in a very tragic death with brain cancer ( thus the last of their family was gone to end the family line); two daughters, one married in Hasanpur and the other married in Roorkee ( unfortunately, I never met them); Grandmother,s nephew, Tau ji used to come to live with us in Jhalu at time to time, a nice but sad person for obvious reasons- loosing every thing, he had, very unfortunate situation; Thus nothing remains in my grandmother,s paternal family. How sad it is!!!!

My Father,s Case:


My father was the eldest of all his brothers and sisters.My father was married in a rich family of Chandpur. My Nanaji was a land having property , house and shops etc. in Chandpur and agricultural land locally and in khadar area of Sheikhpuri , near Narnore and Senadwar. Sohan Singh took care of Chandpur agricultural land even after the death of Nana ji and till his own death. My Nana ji, shri Ram Swaroop Mal was popularly known as Chobdar. My mother was the only child of her mother, the second wife of my nana ji. My maternal uncle, Shri Raja Ram ( son from his first wife) and his son , Raj Bahadur did not enjoy the benefit of agricultural land and had very little and limited benefit in shops though they had the house with them. In spite of sincere and several attempts and efforts  by mother, they did not maintain any relationship with her and with us. Agricultural land was lost because of Zamindari abolition; Shops were sold later by mutual consent. In this process, nothing is left in their name or with us. After the death of Nani ji, there is even no place for us to go; Whole land, property and belongings just vanished.

I do remember some of the books of Nanaji- GULBAKAWALI,s story- a folktale in URDU about the mysterious flower. I read the whole book of several volumes. Another, I was fascinated about was a Wall-hanging in a frame, saying in Urdu ::”AGAHA APNI MOUT SE KOI BASHAR NAHI, SAMAAN SAU BARAS KA PAL KEE KHABAR NAHI ” I feel too much about the loss of these two things and of course many other things as I was associated with them thoroughly during my stay  from 1950-1955 ) with my Nani ji.


Early Childhood memories

Here, I wish to write a few of my early childhood memories. Most of us do not remember our experiences of childhood.It is difficult to remember them for several reasons. The most important reason is the perception in the childhood which is very limited; we are not aware of most concepts which developed in various stages of life. Childhood is mostly governed, controlled and conditioned by parents. Family members and friends and members of the community influence most of our thinking. Language is known only what is taught by the family; vocabulary is limited only with few words . Exposure is limited only to local things. Whatever is known and observed in early childhood is not understood; meaning of many things are not known and not clear though observed every day..
What I am going to describe here are my observations of early childhood, most of them before the age of five years or so. These observations would be described with my limited exposure and understanding of the whole life and in the language which I learnt  only after the age of 15 years or so.
I do not remember anything as how I  lived in the family upto that age . I do not have any impressions as what I was doing, eating drinking etc.and as who was taking care of me. The earliest memory, I have is my observations of staying with my maternal grandparents in Chandpur. I was perhaps about 4 years old. I very clearly remember the house where my nana ji was living; A corner house ( South East Corner ) in the Dharamshala near railway station opposite to Hindu Inter College; a very similar kind of house in South West corner; I can describe the whole design and geography of the dharamshala from my observations. My nanaji was a landlord who had farms in Chandpur and Shekhpuri. He used to store the farm products in the room outside of the house and used to sit the whole day in the varandah outside that room. He was a very handsome person and used to wear white Kurta, Pyjama, used to live in a very elegant way; used to love me a lot, would play with me and I used to be with him almost the whole day.

Incidents: I had a corn in my heel, he removed it with a nail cutter ( known as nehrna in those days) and kept watermelon for cooling at the bottom of the well. The well was almost in the centre of the compound. Once my bua ( my father’s sister) came along with Phoophaji (her husband) and stayed in the house at the other corner of dharamshala for her treatment of some ailment for a few weeks; A saint/poojari used to live  in a small room near the entrance of dharamshala on the west side of the compound . In front of his room were some flower plants. I was fascinated with one with yellow flowers with nice smell (Kanair flower); After his worship and prayers etc. he used to do aarti. Each day when I will hear the sound of the bell, I will walk down to his room. He will offer me 2 sweet batashaw with tulsi leaf and a flower. That was my temptation to visit him every day in the morning after hearing the sound of his prayer bells, my naniji used to prepare very good sweets and I was very fond of them. Once she preapared sweet khoya peda and hid it from me; she kept it on the top shelf of the almarih of the living room + bed room. Noticing this, I got a big bamboo stick, which opened the latch of almirah, moved the sweet box which fell on the floor spilled all over; I was scared of the incident and expected scolding and beating especially by my mother but everyone just laughed on my intelligence and cleverness to get the sweets.

I have some more sweet memories and observations  of that place and of that period but let me stop here for now.

All these are my observations of that time when I could have not described in words in any language but described here now translated those observations in the words according to my current  limited perception and vocabulary.

childhood memories